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Oct. 12th, 2013

natural

Meh.

Meh, new location, new school, new "friends."

Might move back home this January.

Feb. 24th, 2013

natural

Fuck this weekend.

Yesterday I went out with the girl I like from school to go hang out at this mall. It was going fine until the end. My life sucks.

On the plus side, I haven't eaten anything yesterday or anything today. I'm gonna see how long I can fast for. Probably until my doctors appointment this Wednesday. I'm not going to weigh myself until then...

Nov. 30th, 2012

natural

Oh, and it's raining outside

It's been raining like crahzey all day now. You'd think I would be used to it being from western Washington, but I'm not. I can't wait to move next year, Hopefully to NYC or Boston, but mainly NYC. They have good schools for political scienced there and also good career hubs for the field.
I hate the rain!!!!!!!!!!
But I
<3 my state!
natural

Tipsy evening post.

It's 6:02 pm as I am typing this sentence. Got done with a little bit of my cheap portters vodka, and the last bit of my barefoot Riesling. So far I'm tipsy, but nothing serious. Bored as hell, and planning on studying at school in the computer lab tomorrow in the afternoon. This has been a late evening/late night ritual of mine for the past few months with a 375 ml bottle of cheap vodka and a 15 cal bottle of pink lemonade. It's a decent, cheap drink for the weekend, so I figured why not? Anyways, yeah. I'm bored, posting on lj, and lurking on lipstick alley, trying to find something funny to post on. I''l reply later when I don't feel dewsy.

Nov. 24th, 2012

natural

Feelings of loneliness: The never ending battle.


Ive been thinking about my lackluster relationship life. As a 22 (and a half) year old "woman" (I feel like I'm 15 still emotionally/mentally) I have never been on a date. Never had any instances of a romance, bf, gf, never had one. I'm a depressed lonely ass person. I have got asked out many times by thug like dudes in downtown Seattle, but honestly, they're not my type. Not by a long shot. I'm interested in people who can string together a sentence and has at least a college education or in college currently like me. Anyways, back in August, a 38 year old welding student at my school asked me out, but I declined in the nicest way possible. He had baby mama issues, several major physical aliments, overweight for his frame, and just got his GED last year. He really wasn't my type in the least.
Oh look, a humorous picture of Beyonce in one of her most memorable music videos ironically called "Single Ladies." The story of my life.
As I lurk around Youtube, watching endless bf or gf tag videos I come to the conclusion that I'm a lonely, loser like person. I just hope when I move out of here by the end of next year, that I have things more figured out in my life.

Anyways, here's a quote that is suppose to make us single peeps happy about.
Oh yes, this makes me feel a lil bit better about being single for 22 years.

Oh, and I also ruined my car and my stepdad took me off of his insurance. So that means at the crack of next year, I will have to be a CNA again to save some $$ up and fix my car. *cries in horror*

Dec. 4th, 2010

natural

Annoyance!! Roommate hell!




Ok, so I have a problem with my roommate that's been driving m bat shit crazy for a few weeks now. My roommate is a messy person and never clean up after she makes a mess. She leaves food trash everwhere in the dorm and has her garbage on top of the bathroom counter for the past 2 months. When I try to say that I want to help and clean up, she always says shes going to clean up. Another problem I have with her is all of mess and trash from the amount of food she eats daily. Im not trying to say she is a bad person, she is a good to do person but her health is horrible. She is about 5'6" and has to at least weigh anywhere from 200-230 (she wears a size 18 jeans, I know because se never takes her clothes out of the bathroom!), she eats crap food ALL THE TIME and just leaves a big as mess in the kitchen within a hour after I clean it.

Her friend who also goes to the same school with us, is also obese too. She is more of a size 16 but still big. I'm annoyed when they spend all night playing online video games together or turn up their lame music. When her friend comes over (every effing day) they cook a shit ton of food and leave the biggest mess the never clean up. She justs sits in her computer chair and press buttons all day and eat her family size bag of chips and 2 liters of strawberry soda. Just last night at 2am this morning she knocked on my door 3 times and woke me up, when I asked what did she want she asked me if she could use 4 slices of bread so she and her friend can eat with sloppy joes she made.
 

I said it was fine but it annoyed me because she has a job on her own, her mom sends her mony on the side and she has the chance to buy her own food, wheres I don't have a job and get mailed bits of money from my mom and stepdad. Im running low on money ($20, to be exact) too and that whole wheat bread and 2 bags of frozen veggies is all  got at the moment. Maybe if she didn't waste her money on junk and fast food she would have food around the dorm for herself. Im thinking about going to the store today an get more skim milk, tea and maybe some cereal until I Move out of this hell hole on the 15th. I cant wait!

(4:04pm) As I write this they just walked through the door. I wanted to wash my clothes today but since my roommates annoyig ass friend is doing her washing here. Oh and another thing I hate about m roommate is that in themorning she gets out of bed naked. GROSS! She has done this numeruos times within the past month and a half for some reason. You'd think that having a roommate, you wouldnt want to walk aroundnaked but appareantly othing stops her. Even when im hot as fuck at night I try to at least wear a t shirt/tank top and my underwear, when im around m roommate I cover up more than ifI was alone on a pair of shorts or sweat pants.

Nov. 14th, 2010

natural

My history with food (taken from my xanga from erlier this year)

 Sunday, March 07, 2010

I am just really intrigued with all the talk about "wannarexic" and "elitists" on xanga. There's been quiet a lot of posts about this, which lead to this post of mine. I always talk about my history in weight but I want to talk about what my eating habits where in the past 10 years.

Let me start off from when I was 10. When I was 10 my eating habits were normal, I ate what my mom cooked and ate normal sizes. Near my 11th birthday I started to eat more and more. I didn't know what binging was at that age but I started to binge eat on toast a lot and junk a lot. I remember at one point stacking about 6 slices of toast with loads of butter cinnamon and sugar on them on  plate and drinking it down with 4 glasses of chocolate milk, watching cartoons during the weekend. That's around the age I started to binge eat. I also remember stealing money from my mom to buy extra snacks at school.

By the time I was 12/13 I would always try to make homemade cookies when there was no binge foods in the house and I would end up making 2 dozen cookies and finish them by myself. Another thing I loved to binge on was cinnamon graham crackers, would eat the whole box in one sitting. I could remember most of my 8th grade days in the mornings buying things like 50¢ snack cakes and chocolate milk and eating about 4 of them and drinking it with the milk.

When I was 14-15 I would save money up to buy binge food. Sometimes would skip class just to walk across the street of my high school to the nearby little store just to buy things like top ramen, oreos, microwaveable meals so later could binge on them. Carbs and sugar are my weakness even now!

Around 16 I started to restrict what I ate. I would go for a few days just eating little things like a half of a turkey sandwich I would make and just drink as much water as I can. Some days I would just eat healthier and make dinner like baked chicken with brown rice. But  gave up on restricting because I found it to hard.

At 17, by the winter of 2007 it hit me. I could just stop eating for a few days and lose weight. I never knew about fasting then (I know im kinda slow when it comes to that but I never knew about it), but I found out when I was looking up "not eating" and found out about fasting. Found forums about people fasting, fasting for health and I wanted to try it. My main reason wasn't for the health part of it, I was interested by the weight loss effect. So in December 2007 I started to fast. I started out small, doing 1 day fasts and then progressing to 2 days and so on. Every time I completed a fast I wanted to beat my last goal.

When I gotten to be 18 I was fasting all the time. I was free from high school and had more time to focus on my weight. I would walk a hour a day with a pedometer to help me know ho many steps I was taking. I would never go back home if I didn't take at least 10,000 steps. In the first 4 months of 2008 I lost 25 pounds from 150. I was125 pounds, but that wasn't enough. I wanted to be at 115 which was my goal at the time. By the end of 2008 I started to purge my binges.

When I was 18 going on 19 I would eat a massive lunch at work (consisting of a chicken burger with bacon and cheese, fries and 2  mini muffins and then after wok go to a nearby Safeway and buy from the pre made food and deli area and order things like 1/2 pound of macaroni and cheese, 2 pizza sticks, 2 chicken tenders, 1 pack of mini donuts or 2 big cookies. Afterwards I would go to the public bathroom at Safeway and purge what ate. On the side of that I would go shopping for other binge foods to bring home and eat another time. I started to hoard food in my room, every time my mom would go out shopping and bring home my favorite snacks I would take them and hide them from my brothers. I have 3 brothers and they eat truck loads. I didn't want them eating all the food I wanted so would hide them under my bed so they wouldn't find it.

And from there is were I am at now. I still binge and purge every once in a while but not enough imo to be classified as a bulimic. I dont think I am a wannarexic either because I never wanted to be anorexic or look like one. I never wanted to be too thin like 80 pounds or anything. I would classify myself as a binge eater. This is just my take of what I think it wrong with me and food. I do admit I have a disordered way of eating but I dont think I'm truly sick. Another thing is, is that my depression has lessened since being in high school and im not to critical on myself mentally anymore as I used to, sophomore through senior years was the worst mentally that Ive ever been in. I have gotten a bit better in that aspect. Now my goal is to just be happy to get down to 110 pounds.


natural

Maintaining, ARGH!

I hate maintaining, ive been at 118 for 3 day now and I want to get down to 117. For some reason my weight always get stuck at this weight in particular. Usually when my weight gets stuck it because I need to get rid of the shit in my bowls or something and drink a laxative tea, but saying I dont have laxative tea,  just mix sea salt with warm water and it does the trick.

The thing is though it that Ive been liquid fasting for a few days now and my digestive system is empty, I don't know why my weight wont budge. I always end up getting to the lowest weight I reach and then binge and have to start over, but this time I'm serious about it. Every 3 pounds is a mini gw and I mark it off my personal journal I have in my dorm, I only hit 117 once and that was for a day. I have 117, 114, and 111 for my next three gw's and I want to hit them all by the end of the year.

I also found out I am 5'4 not 5'3 like thought I was when I went to a doctors appt a month ago so I guess that good and stuff. So, yeah that's all I have to talk about today. I really need to update regularly, it helps me stick to my plans better.

I guess overall since I first started this journal, Ive done good. In January this year I was 155 and last year in November I was 166 going from a size 12 jeans to 2/4 (some places 2 some 4, I never can tel whats my true size).  The spring was the best season for weight loss for me, I would lose 15 pounds in th month of March. I miss those times.

Aug. 19th, 2010

natural

Weight unknown

Since being kicked out my cousins house I haven't kept track of my weight last time I checked I was, 119. I am curently living in a student dorm with a roommte. But now I am think im around 122/123. My goal for the next couple of weeks is to simply hit my goal once and for all, lol. Im going to start posting about my weight more here and talk about my personal life on my other lj. I need to focus more on what im eating again. Im going to try to make at least 1 or 2 updates in the future track my progress and weight. Trying to stay below 400 cals a day now again.


Aug. 6th, 2010

natural

To my EVIL bitch of a cousin

FUCK OFF YOU INSANE BITCH!!!

She is kicking me out of her house and giving me a week to pack up. Im going to be homless for a while I guess. Yep another krazy night...

 


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